So today, the sun is shining and it’s the first day of Lent. I am in no way religious but I do admire and respect the need to break some patterns and shake some things up a bit. Clear some head space and reduce the chatter. It’s always easier when the sun shines and you have a bit of sleep under your belt.
I recently observed some under 5s at a party. They had a great time. No iPhone, no Facebook, no alcohol. They just enjoyed the moment. It made me wonder why I couldn’t do that?Then I realised I could. I am a trained professional and it’s time to get a grip. Time to strip away all the nonsense and to trim and prune all the dead wood out of my life.
Mentally, I am managing the people who are negative. People feed on drama and like the attention. I am dealing with them by ignoring them. Silence. Pure silence. I am not fuelling their dramas or fanning their flames of insecurities. The controlling person who recently tried to belittle me…gone. No space for them in my life.
Every so often I give a thought to the baby I lost but I tell myself “ not to be so silly”. Today, I let myself be sad, just for a little bit, not too long but just enough. Reflective times about the baby who would be two soon and the party we won’t have. I steal myself against the questions “ don’t you want any more children?”. Well intentioned and I decide to reply “yes I would very much” and leave it at that.
I notice that I drink wine for no apparent reason. I glug it back to quench my thirst. How utterly ridiculous when I know it’s a diuretic, that it is loaded with calories and the list goes on. I decide to drink a glass of fizzy water instead. I loved not drinking when I was pregnant. I loved the clearness of head and thought.
If I don’t drink wine, I don’t miss chocolate. That’s simple. Notice the connection, notice the pattern. Deal with it and move on.
I remove Facebook from my iphone. I don’t need the noise. The chatter of what everyone else is doing. My close friends I am in touch with daily. That is all I need. The rest is just too much. I unplug the house phone. If it’s important they will write. Those that need me have my mobile number and my email address.
The person who sent a rude email. I ask them why they felt the need? Those who use a control drama rarely like to be confronted with it.
I am blessed to be working with some truly inspirational people. If I cannot lead by example then I am letting myself and them down. So today, as someone I respect greatly once said: I step forward. I let go of the old stuff. I move it to done and dusted. I don’t need it. I never did. Time to let it go.